We know the truth

No matter age or gender of the target; no matter whether the abuse is physical, mental, emotional, spiritual or financial - abuse devastates body, mind and spirit. It all hurts.

They know the truth

There are no differences among the broken hearts and wounded souls of all. What is different, however, are the familial, social, and lawful reactions to the gender of the person and how each copes.

You know the truth

You own the right to be treated with kindness, love and respect.

Your survival instinct has kicked in. Welcome back.

A Woman's Heart

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"Abuse hurts - abuse destroys. Abuse is spiteful and degrading. No one asks for it. No creature deserves it. None of us should live with it or put up with it. Period." - Quote by Sherry Jackson from Heart 2 Heart Living - A Woman's Heart - 2003

Life inside an abusive relationship is lonely and humiliating. You may feel like you are the only one - you are not. All over the world intelligent, kind-hearted women, just like yourself, are struggling to survive in an abusive relationship.

You are not a victim - you're a survivor.  And we're glad you found us.

Good folks!

Maybe you weren't aware of these facts: People who become abused are good folks. We are intelligent, thoughtful and are, very often, extremely creative. We bring beauty and love to our world. People who most often find themselves in an abusive relationship are sensitive, gentle and kind-hearted.

We care - abusers don't

We understand other people's emotions and are able to empathize and sympathize with them. We are in touch with other people's feelings because we are compassionate. And this is one of the many reasons why we often find ourselves in abusive relationships.

Without fail, we care about other people's feelings while abusers do not. They never will as long as they remain in their abusive state of mind. There is no excuse for even one conscious act of abuse. Kind-hearted people are naturally inclined to not hurt another person's feelings.

Kellie Jo Holly over at Verbal Abuse Journals writes:

"Abusers target victims, in part, for their natural inclination toward healing humankind. Your great empathy, compassion and awareness of the pain of others is the soft-spot on your underbelly that abusers target first."

Thanks, Kelly. It's the absolute truth.

The Users, Abusers & Bullies

Definition of abuse for domestic and intimate relationships: Abuse is when someone in a caring relationship does or says things to gain control over another person by hurting that person or causing feelings such as fear, anxiety, nervousness, guilt, helplessness or worthlessness.

Abuse is not, however, limited to domestic or intimate relationships. Abuse occurs in elder-care homes and special-needs facilities. Children are abused by coaches and day-care guardians. Animals are horrifically used and abused by the millions. Abuse can happen at work, in the grocery store or on the internet.

  • Are you here because you know you are being abused? Do you think you might be, but aren't sure?
  • Do you want to leave but you are afraid or don't know how to go about it? Are you planning to leave or want to leave an abusive relationship and you need support?
  • Are you here because you have recently ended an abusive relationship and you need to understand what happened to you, how it happened, why it happened and how you can best reclaim your life?

No one and no living thing is safe from the possibility of a bully, an abuser or personality disordered individual trying to take advantage, do harm, use or manipulate for their own benefit. Having said that, it's important for you to understand that abuse always begins with you.

It's the last thing you want to hear when you're being treated like garbage and it sounds incredulous... but it is the absolute truth. How many times have you asked yourself the following questions:

Why do I allow myself to be treated like this? Why do I keep taking all this crap?

Well, my friend, before you read any further - give yourself a big pat on the back and give yourself credit because you're here now and you're looking answers - you're caring about yourself. You either know you're being abused or you think you might be abused, but you aren't sure. In either case, you will find many of your answers on the pages of this site and within our network.

You will also find your answers through links to the offsite women's resources we've found to be helpful to survivors of emotional & psychological abuse - a.k.a. domestic violence.

As an abused woman, the most important place for you to start is here, understanding and believing these three simple, life-saving truths:

1)  You have done nothing to deserve being used as a psychological toy, a financial resource or a dumpster for all his emotional garbage. The second item to wrap your head - and your heart - around is this:

2)  You can't stop him from being abusive. You can't love him enough to 'change him' and stop the abuse. Only he can make the decision to stop being an abusive person. Only he can decide to accept responsibility for his behaviour and make the necessary changes for personal growth such as seeking professional therapy.

He may have childhood trauma or may be carrying baggage from previous relationships - but whatever his reasons and issues are - there is no excuse for the way he treats you.

3)  You are in control of your life through every single choice and decision you make every single moment of every day. You are the only person controlling your life even when it may seem as though someone else is pulling all the strings.
Your #1 Priority

Your #1 priority is to look after youself and, if you have any, your dependents. It all begins and ends with you. You can choose to live with abuse or choose to not live with abuse. When you choose the latter and begin to make good, healthy decisions for youself - you and your dependents will immediately reap the benefits of your choices.

Empower yourself...
you own the right to be treated with kindness, love and respect

Begin creating the life you want by empowering yourself with knowledge and self-awareness through learning how to set your boundaries, positively asserting yourself and by making healthy choices through developing your self-esteem.

When you do these things for you and you alone, what follows comes naturally - good things and good people come into your life.

Need help right now? If at anytime you feel you are in danger, call your local emergency services. Otherwise, get in touch with national or local abuse hotlines. Those people are there to help you. Many of them have been where you are right now. They understand what you are going through. The HotPeach Pages have listings in all countries - in many cities - in all languages.

Supporting & helping a friend or family member

If you have a friend, co-worker or family member whom you believe is being abused please browse through our site. You'll gain an in-depth understanding of exactly what she is living with on a daily basis.

See: Supporting & helping a friend or family member. You'll be better prepared to offer her a kind heart and a helping-hand rather than inadvertently re-victimizing her with a lack of knowledge and insight as to how repeated abuse destroys a person piece by piece.

Emotional abuse is underneath all other types of abuse. The most damaging aspect of abuse is the trauma to our hearts and souls from being betrayed by the people that we love and trust. - Robert Burney


A random selection of posts from our site:

Abused women speak up » As you read, you will feel an unspoken connection with each one of these women on an emotional and psychological level ...

Cycle of abuse » - This insidious, repetitious wheel will break you so smoothly, there's an excellent chance you won't realize you've lost yourself. For some people it may take years... but it will break you ...

Feeling good about you » - Healthy self-esteem means feeling good about yourself. When you have high self-esteem, you create energy in your life to make things happen ...

Leaving - think ahead » - Always remember: Safety First. Leaving an abusive partner is a very difficult thing to do. It frequently feels like you are failing, or destroying your family, or not trying to work things out, or not giving your partner a second chance. It hurts, and it's scary ...

VIDEO: Sensitive People: HSPs in Love » - An Interview with Elaine Aron Ph.D. One of my reasons, corny sounding but so true: The world needs love. And I believe HSPs are meant to bring much of that love to light ...

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Quotable

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. - Mark Twain
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Doing it for You

Self-awareness is Self-empowerment

7 other people are here with you - upping their game - taking control and making positive life changes for themselves and those they love.

Mark Twain

"Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience."

Courtesy of Political Humour About

International Days

A random global spin is sharing this day with you:

Nov 19  International Mens' Day

There are no passengers on spaceship Earth - we are all crew. Let's make our cruise the best it can be for all sentient life and the world's biodiversity - for the air, the earth and the oceans.

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Of Special Interest
  • Why do women stay in abusive relationships when it is so very obvious we should leave.

  • It's easy - they show themselves. Identify the users & abusers. Get them out of your life for good.

  • The quiz results will provide you with valuable pieces of your puzzle - leaving you no doubt.

  • Do you seem to have a pattern of abusive relationships? Find out what might be going on.