I wanted to share my story for the younger crowd that seeks help on here.At only 17 I fell head over heels in love with a girl who lived two hours away from me. We’d spend hours on webcam, and on the telephone while I entertained her with my musings day after day. We got so dedicated to each-other that she even asked me to rip up any pictures of female friends that I kept. To show my love and trust, I did this. One day on webcam, I took a total of 15 pictures to the computer, and ripped each of them in front of her to show her how much I loved her. These were classmates & friends. People I’d known my whole life… and their pictures I just ripped up.On the phone, I’d talk and talk and talk to her. I’d give her opportunities to speak. She’d sit in silence, and say “keep talking” Eventually it would get so late at night that my parents would wake up and force me off the phone. She would insist that I stay on. Being the super nice guy I am, I’d gently try and reason with her.. “sweety, I gotta get off the phone! I have school tomorrow, so do you”She’d reply with things like “Please don’t go, I love you so much! Why do you hate me so much! Don’t you dare hang up on me! Tell your parents to f$%k off! Don’t let them come between us! Be a man!”One day I drove the two hours to visit her. I happened to keep a few other pictures of very close friends of mine in my car… along with pictures of my girlfriend, and some cool guys I used to hang out with. This was my first physical abuse scenario. When I arrived, she ran into my car shut the door, and saw the pictures and instead of “Hi how was your trip?!” she said “WHY DIDN’T YOU BURN ALL THOSE ONES TOO!?”I began explaining to her the importance of the relationships I had with the people in the photographs. One friend I had been in a band with. The other, I had known since I was a baby the others were boys, and one was even of her. Before I could finish explaining myself (in a positive calm voice) she shrieked at me “How could you do this to me! I thought you loved me!” She instantly slapped and scratched my face… right in front of her parents house. I quickly drove away to save us the embarrassment. As we drove, I pulled out a box of matches I had in a survival kit in the back seat of my car, and burned each picture, even the ones of boys as we drove. All the pictures but hers.I really wish I still had those pictures.The rest of the visit was amazing. We had so much fun together… we were the perfect match, really. I laughed at her jokes, we shared humor, and we genuinely cared about each-other. It was nice to feel so loved… to know someone cared about me soo so much.My graduation came about. I was asked to escort an old friend of mine in the next town over at her grad. I asked her to escort me as well. When I went to tell my girlfriend this, I thought she’d think “oh how wonderful! they get to escort eachother after knowing eachother their whole lives”I told her on the phone. She very swiftly told me that that wasn’t happening and I was going to be telling my friend no, and SHE was going to be my escort!.The big day came. Her parents brought her all the way out to my grad. It turned out horribly. The minute her and I were alone she was instantly complaining about having to be my escort and saying that she didn’t want to do it. She complained and said that her hair was awful, she was too fat, her dress was ugly.The whole time I encouraged her. She looked great, and I was excited to have her as my escort.She did a good job walking me down the aisle to the stage. after that, we had a grand waltz and dinner to celebrate. Just before the grad song came on, we all lined up to dance. She pulled me aside and said “WE ARE NOT DOING THIS! you CANNOT MAKE ME DO THIS!”I couldn’t believe my ears. She absolutely ruined the one of the biggest days of my life.After grad, I moved to the big city she lived in. I got an apartment, and she was still in school. Our relationship was closer than ever. I had gotten a good paying job, and we were dining out every evening. Life was good. After about a month, a couple of musical friends of mine (both girls) wanted to get together to have a jam session. They happened to be living in the same city as me, going to university. I gladly invited them over. We all got together, and I invited my girlfriend.She sat, listened to the jam and pouted the whole time. My friends would try and talk to her, but she’d give one word answers “good” “yes” “no” it was sad.After the musicians left, it was just me and her. She said “YOU A$$H0$(L! HOW COULD YOU! HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON? WHY DON’T YOU JUST MARRY ONE OF THEM!? WHY DON’T YOU JUST DO THEM?!”She slapped me repeatedly. I cowered as her open hands turned into fists. She repeatedly hit me, bruising my body all over.. I managed to protect my face for the duration of her fit. Then she began taking out her anger on the furniture around me. Throwing chairs at walls, dishes, forks, knives, tables what ever! Then something occurred to me. I realized that she was black out angry. She was having a fit. I realized that she was only 5’1 130 lbs. I however towered over her. 6’5 250 lbs. How could she have the strength to take me on?That’s when I acted. I came towards her. Grabbed her wrists. She attempted to wrestle and hit away from me… I subdued her on the floor and held her down until she calmed down. FInally, i released her. I had held so tightly to her wrists that they had already bruised a purple colour. She looked at them an screamed “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME YOU A$$&IE?! DON’T YOU EVER F##K#N HURT ME AGAIN!” Behind her I saw my couches flipped over, dishes shattered, pillows everywhere, drywall smashed out. She came at me again. This time I chose to protect myself. I put her in a head lock and brought her down completely. Thats when I went into a fit. I couldn’t believe what I had just done to my girlfriend. I curled into a ball, and started crying like a baby.. I remember lying there crying uncontrollably, wanting to go back home. Wishing that my dad would come and beat her up… wishing that my mom would come and comfort me. Thats when she came to. Even more angry than before. She stood !above me. Spitting one me. Throwing things onto me as I shook and cried in the fetal position. I couldn’t remember what she said.. but she yelled the whole time something about how stupid I was.She phoned her mom. Her mom waited outside. She left. The next day, after I was done work, she came over again. She was crying, sobbing, saying she was sorry and that it would never happen again. I believed her. I held her and told her I was sorry. I told her everything was going to be ok. I told her we were going to be together forever and she didn’t have to worry.The following 3 weeks were some of the most heavenly of my life. She brought me gifts, made me delicious meals and we had so much fun and adventure! It all came to a screeching hault one day. I told her I was going home to see my parents. I invited her to come along with me. After all, It was the weekend, and neither of us would be working. She snapped. She didn’t want me going back to that stupid little small town that I grew up in! going and seeing my stupid parents who tried to control our relationship! Naturally, I defended my parents and my hometown. Told her she was wrong in a nice way. Told her she shouldn’t speak like that.She hit me. She hit me in the face. She went insane. Did I mention this was while we were driving? middle of winter? icy freeway? Oh yeah! she was crazy. I asked her nicely to stop. So she hit me again. I tried to maintain control of the vehicle while I took the most emotionally damaging beating of my life.I let go of the steering wheel, turned to her, grabbed her with both hands by the shoulders and held her down. My car slid gently into a snowbank. (thank goodness it did’t slide into an oncoming semi) She calmed down. She actually realised what she had done. She apologised. She said she couldn’t do a weekend away, or witout me. She cried, and begged me to stay. So I stayed in the city.AGain…. two weeks of bliss, and the she attacked me again. this cycle continued for a whole year until I told her that I couldn’t take it any more. I told her it was over, and that she was’t allowed to hang out with me anymore.She went home, and she wouldn’t stop texting me. She was so heartbroken. I had ruined her life. She was so sad. She wanted to be dead. One night, she was sure she was going to end her life. I still loved her, so i ran to her emotional rescue.I managed to get back home a few times. After her and I had split. I told my parents what had happened. I told my brothers and my sister to. they were all adults. We had all grown up and moved away. They were so heartbroken. They told me to get help. They were so proud of me when I left her… but then I gave into the abuse again. For two more years. That girl and I got back together.I missed her so bad. I truly felt like She was the only one who could ever love me. After all, she told me that million times. we got back together and the cycle began. Two years of abuse until I snapped. I crossed the line with my physical strength. We were just leaving my place to go eat out somewhere. We argued about where to go. I suggested a particular restaurant and she SNAPPED.”WHY DO YOU WANT TO GO THERE!? SO YOU CAN SEEE THAT WAITRESS WITH THE BIG TITS THAT YOU AlWAYS STARE AT!?”SHe slapped me. I had never even noticed such a waitress at this restaurant. My eyes never did wander either. You could imagine what it would be like if they did.She slapped me againand againand againfists, all over, in my face, my stomache, my chest, my groin.Finally, I snapped. I did the most violent thing I had ever done in my entire life, and probably ever will do. I put her into a headlock, and ran the top of her head into a brick wall. She was out like a light. I thought I had killed her. She was laying in the snow, twitching. I picked her up and rushed her into my apartment where it was warm. When she came too, she cried. She got out her cell phone and called her dad. When her dad got there, he phoned the police. When the police showed up, they suspected something fishy when they saw my black eyes and nosebleed. They took my into their car and asked me what happened. I told the whole story. Both officers were disgusted. “You’re a big guy… couldn’t you just hold her down? what the hell is wrong with you”Nobody pressed charges. I got no sympathy. I did however get the opportunity at freedom. Her father didn’t let her near me (which was funny, because she was 19 years oold still living at home)I thought the relationship was over. Spring came, and she showed up one day. Wanting to reconcile. So I agreed. after all. she did promise that it was totally over. She had started seeing a counselor. I was so excited to start over agian.Then she hit me.Then I slept with another girlWe broke up once and for all.A month later, she called me. She said she wanted to talk.I agreed, provided that it was in public view. We met at quiet coffee shop. She apologized for ruining 3 years of my life. Then she admitted something terrible. She had been sleeping with other men the whole time we were together.As if 3 years of abuse wasn’t enough.I got up, and walked awayI’m happy to say I’ve never spoken to her since. Last I heard, she had HIV. No jokes. I went through a few nice girls… fell for a couple abusers (because its in a victims nature) but I learned my lesson. Fell in love with the Girl I’m with now. She’d never dream of hitting me. We live in a small town together outside the city. We are so so happy.You can be happy too. Please don’t tolerate abuse like I did. Please see the warning signs. Please. Help yourselves.Tanner