This forum has been wonderful in helping me understand my situation. My lingering hopes of changing my AH are being addressed by the realistic information that you all offer. I know that I need to leave the situation. I tried to once before about 15 years ago, but I didn’t seek out the right kind of support, and I was talked into reconnecting with him by well-meaning poorly informed people. Once I reconnected, I bought the apologies and promises of how everything would be different. So, after 25 years, my life with him is very intertwined, and leaving will be complicated. Fortunately, no children involved. So, any advice out there about how to accomplish the task without creating chaos? Last time I left, he reported me as a missing person, enlisted the whole community to find me and persuade me to return. I’ve been embarassed of the spectacle I created. But, I know that I deserve a healthy situation where I can feel safe. Maybe I can’t leave and still preserve my dignity, but I’m still holding onto that hope. Holding onto false hopes seems to be a pattern with me.