I have been remembering some things about my past. I have some pretty weird fears like small, enclosed sellers, and people walking or coming up behind me, or people walking up the stairs behind me, and I hate locking doors.When I was doing some soul searching I remembered an event from my past. I was four or five at the time and there was a babysitter over, she was watching us. Suddenly she came running into our rooms and gathered us all up and brought us to my parents room. She proceeded to lock the door. She looked really scared, and she told us to hide. She hid me in the closet. Then I heard heavy footsteps coming up the stairs, and the door handle to the room was rattled, like someone was trying to get in. Our babysitter ran to the bathroom door (because our bathroom connects the hall to my parents room) and locked the door. Then the man entered the bathroom, and he shook the door handle, trying to get in. I was so scared, I was confined in a small area where I could not run away. I was stuck in the closet. I could not see the man who was trying to get in late at night.Thats all I remember. But maybe sellers remind me of being stuck in that closet, and I am scared of people coming up behind me because I could not see the man who posed a threat, I could only hear him. And now I hate it when I can’t see something, and it scares me when people are behind me. The stairs are how the man got to the room door, without them he wouldn’t have gotten near us. I think this is why I am scared of people going up the stairs behind me. It makes me want to scream and start running. I found out from my Mom today that this man was a registered sex offender. Now, I am also scared to get close to someone. Emotionally and physically. Whenever I was in a relationship with someone I HATED absolutely HATED kissing them. It made me want to cry. And I never understood why, and I still don’t. I feel like its not ok for me to speak about my emotions. I am in an abusive relationship right now, and I can’t seem to break free. Maybe thats why when I get scared my first instinct is to run, because I was never able to run during that event, and so.. i trying to run from it still through other things? Thanks for letting me write, I am trying to sort this whole mess up, I feel like it might be connected but I feel there is something I am missing…