Hi MIB: I have a Chrissy-ism (From “Three’s Company” – I know; i’m dating myself)…for this particular trait of abusers (a/k/a Projection): People think that other people think the way they think.” Meaning: An abuser is thinking all those things and maybe has done all those things, and does so with the bad intentions he or she is projecting onto their target (spouse, child, co-worker, subordinate). She is the one who is thinking that way; that’s how she seems to ‘know’ your every thought and intention and has likely claimed to know you better than you know yourself (malarky!!). She’s telling you what’s going on in HER mind, but because her ego is wrapped up in being ‘perfect’ (a mask for those who are extremely insecure), she projects those bad intentions on to you, so that YOU can be the bad guy, thus maintaining her own belief in perfection. You, on the other hand, think like a fairly reasonable, rationale human being, which is why none of her accusations and predictions about you make any sense. Generally speaking, targets of bullies / abuse tend to be upright people, with a very strong unbreakable code of ethics…therefore, it confuses the heck out of us when abusers just make up things out of the blue, and claim they are true…when we can repeat words they have said to us verbatim, with date and time and witnesses, and after hearing them scream denial after denial, start to suspect our own reality and memory. You cannot have a rational conversation with someone who is either unwilling or unable to have a rational, adult conversation. So all your attempts at getting an abuser to ‘understand’ will all be for naught. They simply cannot (or will not?) get it. Compassion to an abuser, is a means to an end, as are most kind acts. They don’t get that normal, emotionally healthy people are compassionate for the sake of being so, without necessarily expecting all manner of reward for any small act of kindness. Sorry, this is long…hope it makes sense. Take care…it’s not you. You are not imagining things. You are not crazy. You are being abused.