I just wanted to tell you how comforting it is to read your message board. I was in an abusive relationship for nearly 20 years. To read the list of things that indicate abuse, and see how they were for me, confirms the belief that I had that I had been abused.My leaving coincided with meeting the lady who is now my partner. She had been in a dead end, but not abusive relationship that had ended. I confided in her and she told me that I was plainly being abused. After a terrible period of months, I decided to leave my now ex wife.Although divorced, the abuse continues in a way. I have not seen my kids for a year, and have done everything to try to do so. This has been through the courts, trying to contact them by email, text and phone, and writing to them. She has lied and lied and lied to them about me and they seem to almost hate me. I was so, so close to them but she has decided to take them from me. Nothing I can do can get me to see them.I stayed for years mainly for their safety. She threatened me, only once, with a knife that she would kill me and the kids. She was violent otherwise, throwing stuff around, shouting, slamming doors, throwing things like the iron across the room, and once threw a radio I bought in to a bath! All of the other pointers were there. She belittled me, cut me off from my family, accused me of having affairs, etc etc.Leaving was the best thing I did. It is indescribable to be in a relationship with someone who is not like that. My mother and father keep telling me: but what you are NOW in is normal. They saw it happening to me before and could not bring themselves to tell me to get out of it.Thanks again. It is good to know now that my belief for years that it truly was my fault for not being “honest” that caused her to yell at me was incorrect. I can even remember physically trembling when she said to me: we need to talk as I knew we were in for a whole night of accusations.To sleep now without that threat is wonderful. To sleep with someone who is not going to waken me at 3.00am and tell me she has been reading my emails and wants to know x, y or z; or telling me I would never be attractive to anyone else…. Since I separated, I have been approached by many young, attractive women who have made it clear that they would love to go out with me. I had no idea!!Thanks. To all the men out there who are going through this, you must face up and if necessary get out. If I was doing it again, I would gather the kids up and leave with them. My only regret…..Anonymous Abused Man