My life has consisted of “bad choices” all the way through. I have had controlling men since I started dating. They made me feel safe, and loved because I misread jealousy, possessiveness for love. My self confidence was never in good shape, and I was always an easy victim for an abuser. I have never felt I deserve any better.This last abuser was so over the top, I ended up in the hospital, addicted to crystal meth, financially devastated, as well as now having to be a witness in his trial which will put him in prison for quite a few years. His history of abuse is very repetitive, but I still feel freaked that I will ultimately get him what he deserves as far as the law. I am now back with my husband, who is a very wonderful man.My inner happiness is very badly affected by the fear, and terror this man brought to my life. He strangled me seconds from death 2 times which changed my confidence altogether. I live in fear, sadness, and humiliation for the pain I have brought to my family. My goal is to remember HE did this to himself. His extensive DV record will add up to a habitual charge, and I know he will blame me for everything. He is a narcissist, a very self centered man, with a false sense of importance about himself. But considering that he is someones son, brother, uncle etc. it saddens me for his family.I hope he will utilize all opportunities to learn and obtain tools for his future so he also can live a more constructive happier life. My gut feeling tells me he will not learn, and with the same behavior and the blame he will carry for me to prosecute him, that he will eventually kill me.I feel me days are numbered. Wish I could turn back time,and not have gotten involved with this man. But since I cant do that, I will do everything in my power to make sure that he does not do this to another woman. All I can hope for is that I will make some difference and also gain much needed strength for myself. Thank you for listening.