Tre,I am going to agree with Kari on the need for some time out for you.On the issue of relationships and their new start, if you can get hold of the book “after the affair” if might give you some food for thought. Basically it analyses the types of affair and then talks about rebuilding or ending the relationship based on the type of affair.But, I would also say that for a marriage to survive abuse then both parties need to be willing to put in hard graft to heal things, and that includes dealing with the unpleasant stuff in the past AND in the current situation. I hear you making changes, is your wife OK(ish) about this current phase?Helen