I am a 33 year old married, with four children. I started dating my husband when I was fourteen. We were best friends before we dated. I swore that was the only reason we have made it this far. We have been married for 10 long years. I didn’t realize this until recently but I have been in an extremely abusive relationship for longer than we have been married. He is controling and manipulating and he does this by verbally and mentally abusing me. We have been round and round the cyle of abuse. Until recently when my life seemed to be spinning out of control did I realize I needed help. I have 3 daughters 9,8, 6, and my son is 2. My 9 year old HATES her dad because she has always been the runner up, under me to take the brunt of the abuse. My 8 year old deals with it in a different way. She also does not like her dad. I am right now in the current postion in the cycle of being over it. He is promising me the moon, stars, and the sky right now. He is still in the house begging for my forgiveness and promising me he will change. I have heard this all before. He truly is NOT a bad man and would give the shirt off of his back to anyone. He is only this way to me and the kids. We have always came last and always have received the worst of him..The difference between now and then is I have been talking to a domestic abuse director and she has been helping me and I have taken the step to put my oldest into counciling. I truly feel like a bad mom that I have put up with this for so many years and exposed my children to it. I didn’t realize what kind of hold he had on me until I was able to step outside of my weak, low self-esteemed person that I have become to actually see how he was doing it. I am truly numb inside and it is not a good feeling. I in a way resent my kids because they talk and act like him. Its like I have the wrath of him 24 hours a day. This is really bad to say as well. I feel like sometimes I resent my kids and they are my pride and joy. My children have learned the art of verbally and mental manipulation towards me. I know its not my kids fault but it is so hard to hear how pathetic I am, and how I don’t do things right, and on and on. I have so much to say and so much to get off of my chest. I really hope I find a few good friends in this support group to help me. I need to finally get over this hump and NOT give in…